


Werewolf

by centrumLumina (centreoftheselights)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Arguing, Fluff, Gen, Karkat as GM, Party Games, Role Playing, Werewolf, What more do you want?, mafia, really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-11-12
Updated: 2012-03-26
Packaged: 2017-10-28 04:22:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/303685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/centreoftheselights/pseuds/centrumLumina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A large number of CHARACTERS are gathered in an UNIMPORTANT LOCATION and are rapidly succumbing to BOREDOM. Inevitable: Happen. The kids and trolls from Homestuck play a game of Werewolf.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Rules

**Author's Note:**

> The game of Werewolf, as described by the kids, is real and is commonly played wherever students are bored and lack access to alcohol. Some readers may also be familiar with it under the name of Mafia. Many variants exist, but this is the one I have played most often.
> 
> \---
> 
> This fic is on indefinite hiatus and no longer updates. I may return to it in the future, but that is not guaranteed.

A wide number of CHARACTERS are assembled in an UNIMPORTANT LOCATION. All those present are currently ALIVE, AS SANE AS CAN BE EXPECTED and none of them have ANYTHING BETTER TO DO. As a consequence, they are rapidly succumbing to BOREDOM.

Inevitable: Happen

JOHN: hey, guys. you know what we should do?   
KARKAT: NO. WHY DON'T YOU SHARE WITH US WHAT I'M CERTAIN WILL BE AN UTTERLY BRILLIANT IDEA.   
JOHN: we should play werewolf.   
JADE: yes! :)   
DAVE: no   
DAVE: that's a terrible idea   
ROSE: Actually, it isn't.   
ROSE: Werewolf would be a good way to pass the time.   
DAVE: no it isn't   
DAVE: werewolf is always a terrible idea   
DAVE: and you only like it because you take it as an excuse to psychoanalyse everyone   
DAVE: even more than you normally do   
TAVROS: uHH, gUYS, wHAT ARE YOU, tALKING ABOUT   
JADE: it's a role-playing game!   
NEPETA: :33 < yay!  
TAVROS: iM NOT SURE -  
VRISKA: Is it FLARPing?  
ARADIA: FLARPing has been something of a pr0blem in the past. 0_0  
ROSE: It isn't live action.  
JOHN: one person is in charge of everything and they're called fate.  
KARKAT: OKAY EVERYONE STOP WHINING.  
KARKAT: WE ARE PLAYING THIS GAME.  
KARKAT: IT'S A FUCKING WINNABLE GAME AND WE'RE GOING TO PLAY IT.  
EQUIUS: D--> But -  
KARKAT: I AM THE LEADER. WE ARE PLAYING THIS GAME.  
KARKAT: AND I AM GOING TO BE FATE.  
KARKAT: WHAT ARE THE OTHER RULES?  
JOHN: everyone who isn't fate is living in a village together.  
JOHN: and some of them are werewolves!

 

KARKAT: WHAT IN GOG'S NAME IS A WEREWOLF?  
ROSE: A construct demonstrating the widespread desire for the separation of the id from the ego.  
JOHN: a monster!  
JOHN: they come out at night when everyone is asleep and attack people  
JOHN: but in the day they look like normal humans  
KARKAT: LIKE A RAINBOW DRINKER?  
KANAYA: I Had Been Led To Believe The Human Equivalent Of Rainbow Drinkers Were Known As Vampires  
KANAYA: And Were Fictional  
ROSE: The human psyche is capable of creating multiple constructs to mask identical issues.  
DAVE: werewolves are a lot like vampires in every way that counts including being total bullshit  
DAVE: and there are a whole bunch of stupid books and films where they fight and date girls and take their shirts off and completely fail to be even ironically interesting  
JADE: actually...  
JADE: i like twilight!

 

KARKAT: SO EVERYONE IS IN A VILLAGE AND SOME OF THEM ARE WEREWOLVES WHO INEXPLICABLY REMOVE THEIR CLOTHING AT SUNSET  
JOHN: umm, no  
JOHN: that's something else  
JOHN: the werewolves are just like normal people in the day and then at night they attack people  
SOLLUX: why ii2 everyone a2leep at niight?  
KANAYA: It's A Human Thing.  
KANAYA: Although Since Twelve Trolls Are Present And Only Four Humans The Convention Is Questionable.  
JOHN: okay so when it is night werewolves are normal people and everyone is awake.  
JOHN: then in the daytime everyone goes to sleep and each of the werewolves points at someone to attack.  
JOHN: and if two werewolves attack the same person that person dies.  
VRISKA: It seems this game is 8ased heavily on luck.  
JOHN: no, because the werewolves all know who each other are.  
JOHN: so they have to communicate during night when everyone is awake.  
JOHN: but without the normal villagers knowing what they are doing.  
DAVE: because if they suspect you then you get lynched  
TEREZI: TH3R3 4R3 L3G1SL4C3R4TORS?  
DAVE: don't be ridiculous  
DAVE: that would make some kind of sense  
DAVE: this game is as close to sensible as karkat is to chilled  
JOHN: anyone can call to lynch someone anytime in the day  
JOHN: i mean night  
JOHN: when everyone's awake  
JOHN: if someone seconds then it goes to a vote  
JOHN: everyone including the person shuts their eyes and holds a hand in the air  
JOHN: open to kill them, closed to let them live  
JOHN: majority wins  
TEREZI: FOR HUM4NS TH4T SOUNDS V3RY R34SON4BL3  
ROSE: It's barbaric.  
DAVE: precisely  
DAVE: why do you even like this game  
ROSE: Observing the base nature of my fellow players as they are systematically reduced to an uncivilised mob is -  
DAVE: forget I asked  
ROSE: And it's fun watching you get lynched.  
DAVE: there is nothing fun about me getting lynched  
JADE: there is when it happens every time! :)

 

KARKAT: SO IS THAT THE ENTIRE GAME.  
KARKAT: EVERYONE KILLING EACH OTHER.  
JOHN: it depends.  
JOHN: it can be just werewolves against villagers  
JOHN: and the villagers win if they kill all the werewolves and the werewolves win if they kill all the villagers  
ROSE: But no-one ever plays it like that.  
KARKAT: SO HOW DO YOU PLAY?  
JOHN: we play with special characters  
JADE: like the cult!  
JOHN: the cult is a group of villagers who all find out that each other are innocent  
JOHN: but they can't say they know because of the cult or they die  
KARKAT: WHY?  
JOHN: umm...  
DAVE: because the cult meet up to worship horrorterrors who kill you if you mention them  
...  
KARKAT: THEY'RE GRIMDARK  
KARKAT: WE ARE NOT PLAYING A GAME WHERE THERE ARE GRIMDARK VILLAGERS  
ROSE: Maybe the cult could be about something else.  
JADE: frogs!  
JADE: the cult is breeding frogs!  
JADE: but there are derse agents in the village  
JADE: so they can't mention the frogs!  
JADE: or the frogs will get killed :(  
...  
DAVE: harley  
DAVE: that was actually brilliant  
JADE: duhhh!

 

KARKAT: WHAT OTHER SPECIAL CHARACTERS ARE THERE.  
KARKAT: OR IS IT JUST FROG BREEDERS?  
JOHN: there are also Seers  
TEREZI: S33RS OF M1ND?  
JOHN: i don't know  
JOHN: maybe  
JOHN: actually, more like Seers of Wolves  
JOHN: because they can point to someone every night and find out if they're a werewolf or not  
JOHN: and then there are wolfsbanes  
KARKAT: WHY DOES EVERYTHING IN THIS GAME HAVE A STUPID MADE UP NAME?  
DAVE: it just does  
JOHN: wolfsbanes point to someone else every night and protect them from wolves for that night.  
KARKAT: WHY AREN'T THEY CALLED SOMETHING SENSIBLE THEN?  
KARKAT: LIKE 'WITCH OF SAFETY'?  
ROSE: What if the Wolfsbane is male?  
KARKAT: WIZARD. OF. SAFETY.  
KARKAT: WHAT WAS SO HARD ABOUT THAT?  
ERIDAN: yay  
...  
JOHN: also there are vigilantes  
JOHN: they only get one bullet  
JOHN: but they can shoot anyone in the d  
JOHN: in the time when people are awake  
JOHN: instead of having to get everyone to vote on lynching  
DAVE: let me guess were going to call that something really original  
DAVE: like knight of death or something like that  
...  
JOHN: if you insist

 

KARKAT: IS THAT ALL OF THE RULES YET.  
JOHN: mostly  
JOHN: except for the romance deck  
DAVE: we are not going to play with a romance deck  
DAVE: it just isn't going to happen  
JADE: why not?  
JOHN: there's nothing that complicated about the romance deck.  
KARKAT: WAIT.  
KARKAT: WHAT QUADRANT DO HUMANS HAVE AGAIN?  
JOHN: in this game there are two kinds.  
KARKAT: I AM SURE YOU TOLD ME HUMANS ONLY HAVE ONE.  
ROSE: Romantic relationships in this game are notoriously complex.  
ROSE: In fact, there are many fascinating parallels with troll culture.  
JOHN: there are lovers and there are rivals.  
KARKAT: I AM ONE HUNDRED PER CENT SURE YOU TOLD ME HUMANS DID NOT HAVE KISMESIS.  
DAVE: normal humans don't  
DAVE: only stupid idiots who play this game have to deal with all this quadrants shit  
JOHN: the lovers are in love.  
JADE: duuhhh  
ROSE: I believe the correct terminology is "red-rom."  
JOHN: and if one of the lovers dies then the other one has to commit suicide.  
KARKAT: WAIT.  
KARKAT: THAT IS JUST FUCKED UP.  
KARKAT: HUMAN ROMANCE IS SO WEIRD.  
KANAYA: I Am Forced To Concur  
KANAYA: Surely This Is Severely Detrimental To The Human Population  
JOHN: the lovers aren't always human  
JOHN: they can be humans or werewolves.  
JOHN: and if one is a human and one is a werewolf they can only win by killing everyone else in the village.  
KARKAT: THERE SEEMS TO BE A LOT OF DEATH IN THIS GAME.  
DAVE: dude  
DAVE: way to state the completely fucking obvious  
JOHN: then there are the rivals  
JOHN: they hate each other.  
ROSE: The concept of devoted rivals is very close to the troll ideal of black romance.  
ROSE: It occurs to me now that several elements of this game suggest a troll influence in its creation.  
KANAYA: An Interesting Theory  
KARKAT: WHATEVER.  
KARKAT: SO WHAT HAPPENS TO THE KISMESIS PAIR.  
JOHN: well one of them has to die

 

KARKAT: OKAY  
KARKAT: I KNOW HUMANS HAVE NO CONCEPT OF HOW ROMANCE IS MEANT TO WORK  
KARKAT: BUT EVEN YOU SHOULD KNOW  
KARKAT: YOU ARE NOT MEANT TO ACTUALLY KILL YOUR KISMESIS  
JOHN: that's how the game works  
JOHN: neither of the rivals can win if the other is alive  
JOHN: if their side wins and they are both alive then they both die  
KARKAT: NO WONDER THE HUMAN QUADRANTS ARE SO FUCKED UP  
KARKAT: LISTEN UP IDIOTS  
KARKAT: IF YOU KILL THEM THEY AREN'T YOUR KISMESIS ANY MORE  
KARKAT: IF YOU EVEN MANAGE TO THEN THEY WEREN'T A VERY GOOD KISMESIS TO BEGIN WITH  
KARKAT: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS SCREWED UP HUMAN RIVALS THING IS  
KARKAT: BUT IT IS NOTHING LIKE BLACK ROM  
KARKAT: NOT EVEN A TINY BIT  
NEPETA: :33 < wait there are only two quadrants?  
NEPETA: :33 < what about pale rom?  
NEPETA: :33 < i bet all these werewolves need is a good feelings jam :33  
JOHN: maybe that would help  
JOHN: i don't know  
JOHN: how would it work  
NEPETA: :33 < well you and your palest buddy sit in a pile and talk about -  
KARKAT: UNLESS YOU CAN THINK OF A GOOD GAME MECHANIC FOR IT  
KARKAT: IT ISN'T HAPPENING  
KARKAT: BESIDES I DON'T THINK ADDING MOIRAILS IS GOING TO DO ANYTHING TO SAVE THIS TRAIN WRECK OF A QUADRANT SYSTEM  
DAVE: bisect

 

KARKAT: WHAT  
DAVE: there are only two kinds dude  
DAVE: it cant be quadrants with only two types  
DAVE: it would be a bisect  
...  
ROSE: Technically, I believe he is correct.  
KARKAT: OKAY BISECT.  
KARKAT: WHATEVER.  
KARKAT: HAVE WE FINALLY GONE OVER ALL OF THE RULES FOR THIS RIDICULOUS GAME.  
ROSE: I believe we have covered in detail the bylaws invoked by our favoured variant.  
JOHN: yeah, pretty much  
KARKAT: THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET'S PLAY  
JADE: yay!


	2. First Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The game begins.

> Game: Begin  
There follows a series of short arguments as the game attempts to begin.

KARKAT: SO I CAN DO ANYTHING I LIKE.   
JOHN: pretty much, if you stick to the rules!   
KARKAT: RULES??

KARKAT: WHAT DO YOU MEAN I BASICALLY JUST WRITE DOWN WHAT HAPPENS.   
KARKAT: I DID NOT SIGN UP TO BE SOME FUCKING GM.   
ROSE: Technically...   
KARKAT: SHUT IT, LALONDE.

JOHN: so everyone gets one card from the role deck   
JOHN: and one from the lover deck   
JOHN: but all that’s in that deck is diamonds and clubs apart from one pair of hearts and one pair of spades   
KARKAT: NO.   
KARKAT: EVEN IN YOUR RIDICULOUS HUMAN CARD SYSTEM.   
KARKAT: SPADES HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT MESSED UP BULLSHIT.   
KANAYA: Although I Hate To Interrupt   
KANAYA: Does Anyone Currently Possess Such A Deck Of Cards   
...   
JADE: i have paper!   
JOHN: or I guess we could just write ‘rival’...

KARKAT: NOT TO BE TOTALLY OBVIOUS.   
KARKAT: BUT IN CASE IT HADN’T OCCURRED TO YOU IDIOTS.   
KARKAT: NO. WEIRD. SHIT.   
KARKAT: OR I WILL FUCKING SMITE YOU.   
KARKAT: NO TIME SHENANGIANS.   
ARADIA: 0_0   
DAVE: like im going to doom a fucking timeline over a fucking stupid game of werewolf   
KARKAT: NO WINDY THING.   
JOHN: bluh   
KARKAT: AND NO SCREWING WITH PEOPLE’S HEADS.   
KARKAT: SPIDERBITCH.   
KARKAT: THIS MEANS YOU.   
VRISKA: Would I 8e that -   
KARKAT: YES.   
KARKAT: WE ALL KNOW YOU FUCKING WOULD.   
KARKAT: BUT DON’T.   
VRISKA: Okaaaaaaaay.   
VRISKA: I’m sure I wouldn’t want you to 8e smitten. :::;)   
KARKAT: NO, YOU’LL BE SMITTEN.   
KARKAT: FUCK.   
KARKAT: I MEAN YOU’LL BE SMITED.   
ROSE: Smote.   
KARKAT: SHUT. IT.

> Game: Begin  
Alright, alright!  
The game begins.

KARKAT: DAY BREAKS.   
KARKAT: EVERYONE SHUT YOUR EYES.   
KARKAT: AND HOLD YOUR NOSE TEREZI.   
KARKAT: DON’T THINK I FORGOT ABOUT YOU.

> Watch Day Phase.  
KARKAT: I CAN SEE YOU.  
KARKAT: I SAID CLOSE THEM.  
Don’t be preposterous! No-one but Fate is allowed to keep their eyes open when the village is asleep. Everyone else must deduce the actions of the night from their aftermath once the village awakes.

KARKAT: WOLVES OF NIGHT OPEN YOUR EYES.   
KARKAT: ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FELLOW MURDERERS.   
KARKAT: YOUR NICKNAMES WILL BE FUCKWAD, DOUCHEBAG, SHITHEAD AND BASTARD.   
KARKAT: NOW GO BACK TO SLEEP.

> Day Phase: Be over.  
Yeah, this is kind of boring. You kind of zone out for a little while until night falls again.

KARKAT: THE BURNING SUN SWEEPS BELOW THE HORIZON.   
KARKAT: EVERYONE WAKES UP.   
KARKAT: VRISKA, GAMZEE AND ROSE ARE INJURED.   
NEPETA: :33 < what now?  
ROSE: Traditionally, we should rapidly re-enter the day phase to prevent any possible werewolf communication while we still have little information to share.  
TEREZI: WHY W41T TO D1SP3NS3 JUST1C3?  
KANAYA: Because We Don’t Yet Know Who To Dispense Justice To.  
TEREZI: 1SN’T 1T OBV1OUS???  
TEREZI: 1 4CCUS3 VR1SK4 S3RP3T.  
Tavros: uHH, dON'T YOU NEED SOME, kIND OF, eVIDENCE?  
TEREZI: GU1LTY UNT1L PROV3N 1NNOC3NT.  
VRISKA: I knoooooooow that’s not how humans oper8.  
ROSE: In this game, I wouldn’t be so certain if I were you.  
ROSE: Although admittedly, some evidence of guilt is usually required.  
TEREZI: C4SE FOR THE PROS3CUT1ON.  
TEREZI: W3 4LL KNOW TH4T SH3 H4S 44444444LL TH3 LUCK.  
TEREZI: 4LL OF 1T.  
TEREZI: CONS1D3R1NG H3R C4P4C1TY FOR V1OL3NC3  
TEREZI: 4ND H3R W1LL1NGN3SS TO CH34T  
TEREZI: HOW L1K3LY 1S 1T TH4T SH3 D1D NOT DR4W A WOLF OF N1GHT C4RD?  
VRISKA: That’s circumstantial!  
TEREZI: FURTH3R 3VID3NC3  
TEREZI: TH3 SUSP3CT W4S R3C3NTLY 1NJUR3D.  
TEREZI: KNOW1NG WH3R3 OUR SUSP1C1ONS WOULD L13.  
TEREZI: TH3 SUSP3CT’S F1RST MOV3 WOULD H4VE B33N TO PR3S3NT H3RS3LF 4S 1NNOC3NT  
TEREZI: BY 4TT4CK1NG H3RS3LF.  
SOLLUX: can wolve2 do that?  
ROSE: It is a common gambit in this game.  
VRISKA: I’m not a wolf!  
VRISKA: I’m an innocent vill8ger!  
TEREZI: 1 C4LL FOR 4 LYNCH VOTE  
ARADIA: seconded  
SOLLUX: 2econded  
DAVE: seconded  
JOHN: seconded!  
KARKAT: SECONDED.  
JOHN: fate can’t second lynch calls.  
KARKAT: SHUT UP.  
KARKAT: EVERYONE CLOSE THEIR EYES FOR THE LYNCH VOTE.

> Vriska: Survive.  
Yeah, there was literally no way that was going to happen.

VRISKA: ::::(   
KARKAT: SHUT UP AND LEAVE IT TO THE LIVING.   
ROSE: Any other business?   
...   
ROSE: Then I suggest we sleep again.   
KARKAT: SHUT YOUR EYES LOSERS.


	3. False Seer (Nights Two and Three)

Karkat: Be unamused by shenanigans.  
KARKAT: FUCK YOU, I AM NOT A VALID TARGET.  
KARKAT: OH, NOT YOU TOO BULGELICKER.  
KARKAT: SERIOUSLY, FUCK ALL OF YOU.  
KARKAT: THE NEXT PERSON TO POINT AT ME ON THEIR TURN IS GETTING A LIGHTNING BOLT IN THE FACE.

Players: Settle down and choose properly.  
KARKAT: WAKE UP, NOOKSTAINS.  
KARKAT: JOHN AND DAVE HAVE BEEN BRUTALLY RAVAGED, DISFIGURING THEM BOTH PERMANENTLY.  
KARKAT: NOT THAT ANYONE WILL BE ABLE TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE.  
ROSE: Does anyone wish to level an unfounded accusation?  
TEREZI: 1 4CCUS3 MR 4PPL3B3RRY BL4ST!  
ROSE: On what grounds? Have you heard him moving in the day phases?  
TEREZI: NO GROUNDS!  
TEREZI: 1 S1MPLY D1STRUST H1S D3L1C1OUSN3SS!  
SOLLUX: what the fuck tz?  
ROSE: Witticisms aside, some evidence of guilt is generally preferred, Terezi.  
EQUIUS: D--> Miss Pyrope, I must admit your enthusiasm makes me somewhat incredu100s.  
DAVE: well what did we fucking expect  
DAVE: little psycho loves herself some barely justified hangings  
DAVE: this aint anything we didnt already know  
JADE: time to sleep?  
ERIDAN: wwait  
ERIDAN: sol actually is guilty  
TEREZI: TH3 COURT MOV3S TO LYNCH!  
ROSE: Are you saying you have some evidence to support this claim, Mr Ampora?  
ERIDAN: of course ivve got some fuckin evidence  
ERIDAN: im seer of wwolvves

KANAYA: Im Sure You Understand That I Mean No Offense When I Say This  
KANAYA: But Is There Any Reason We Should Believe You   
ERIDAN: wwell isnt that glubbin typical  
ERIDAN: im just tryin a help an youre callin me a liar   
JOHN: well, lying is the point of the game!   
TEREZI: LYNCH C4LL ON YOUR SW33T R1B3N4 L13S!   
KARKAT: FOR FUCK’S SAKE TEREZI, I’M NOT LETTING YOU LYNCH ANYONE WITHOUT A SECOND.  
KARKAT: NO MATTER HOW BIG A DOUCHEBAG THEY ARE.   
ERIDAN: wwell thanks a fuckin bunch you guys   
ROSE: To be fair, coming out this early in the game seems to be an awfully big risk. If there is any indication that the wolfsbanes disbelieve his story, Eridan will almost certainly be targeted in the next day phase.   
ERIDAN: wwhat hell no  
ERIDAN: look sols guilty  
ERIDAN: just believve me wwould ya   
JADE: actually...  
JADE: he’s telling the truth! :)  
JADE: i’m the other seer and i found out sollux was a wolf the first night.  
JADE: i just didn’t want to come out this early!   
TAVROS: uH, i’M FAIRLY SURE, oNE OF YOU, oR MAYBE BOTH, iS LYING,  
TAVROS: oN THE GROUNDS THAT, i’M A SEER, aND, tHERE SHOULD ONLY BE, oNE OTHER, sEER HERE

NEPETA: :oo < so one of those three is a werewolf?   
DAVE: or just really bored  
DAVE: i mean it isnt like this game is so exciting for the innocent fucking villagers   
TAVROS: wELL, i’D LIKE TO SAY, iT, iSN’T ME WHO, iS THE LIAR,   
JADE: or me!!!   
ERIDAN: wwhy the fuck wwould i fuckin lie about this   
ROSE: We can test your stories somewhat more objectively. Who do you claim to have Seen?   
ERIDAN: fef is innocent and sols fuckin guilty   
FEFERI: I clam!   
SOLLUX: ii’m not.  
SOLLUX: look ff he had liike a 2eventy fiive percent chance of gue22iing that iit doe2n’t mean he’2 not bull2hiitiing.   
TAVROS: gAMZEE, iS A WOLF, aND, aLSO, dAVE IS, iNNOCENT,   
GAMZEE: wHaT? :o(   
DAVE: well yeah  
DAVE: what the fuck are you expecting me to say   
JADE: well i saw sollux was guilty and then nepeta was innocent!   
NEPETA: :33 < yep!   
ERIDAN: look harley just picked random people wwheres the sense in that  
ERIDAN: no wway shes telling the truth there   
ROSE: Actually, experienced players like Jade prefer to choose randomly to avoid personal bias in their judgements.   
KANAYA: All Of Your Claims Sound Plausible To Me   
GAMZEE: WeLl i aIn’t nO MoThErFuCkInG WoLfBrO   
SOLLUX: nor am ii.  
SOLLUX: ii mean 2eriiously, what the fuck?   
TEREZI: 1 S4Y W3 LYNCH TH3M 4LL.   
DAVE: rezi no  
DAVE: if you lynch randomly the wolves will outnumber us and then well be rp eaten which is a terrible fate  
DAVE: just relax  
DAVE: youll get your mob justice soon enough  
DAVE: just gotta hold on till we have an excuse  
DAVE: dont matter how flimsy  
DAVE: just something we can tell ourselves so we can sleep at night  
DAVE: or day   
ARADIA: we c0uld sleep   
JOHN: that’s probably a good idea.   
ROSE: It’s somewhat risky to entrust our Seers to the whims of fate.   
KARKAT: DON’T EVEN TRY TO BLAME ME FOR THIS MESS.   
ROSE: By which I mean the decisions of our unknown wolfsbanes. However, I think we must admit that sufficient uncertainty has been created that we have no other avenue of progression.   
KANAYA: It Seems Likely This Was The Aim Of The Subterfuge   
ROSE: Kanaya, I believe you understand this game perfectly.   
KARKAT: OKAY, EVERYONE, THE SUN IS BURNING LETHALLY IN THE SKY LIKE THE COMBINED ETERNAL TORMENT OF EVERY GM OF THIS FUCKING GAME IN THE HISTORY OF PARADOX SPACE.  
KARKAT: SHIELD YOUR EYES FROM ITS IMPLACABLE RAGE.

KARKAT: BEGIN YOUR ENDLESS DEBATING OVER AN ULTIMATELY MEANINGLESS ROLEPLAY SENARIO.  
KARKAT: UNLESS YOU’RE ERIDAN.   
ERIDAN: wwhat   
KARKAT: YOU’RE DEAD. GO PLAY WITH VRISKA.   
ERIDAN: hey vvris   
VRISKA: 8luh.   
JADE: i checked! he was innocent! :(   
ROSE: It appears Eridan fell afoul of our wolfsbanes’ suspicions and the werewolves were fortunate enough to –   
GAMZEE: MoThErFuCkInG BaNg.

KARKAT: GAMZEE, THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE IN THIS ROOM, INCLUDING MYSELF, ARE NOT PSYCHIC. AND THOSE WHO ARE PROBABLY CAN’T MAKE HEAD OR TAIL OF WHATEVER FAYGO-ROTTED MESS IS LEFT OF YOUR THINKPAN BY THIS POINT.  
KARKAT: YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO POINT.   
GAMZEE: sorry palebro  
GAMZEE: I MOTHERFUCKING FORGOT  
GAMZEE: i want to be shooting  
GAMZEE: MOTHERFUCKING TAVBRO  
GAMZEE: whose been all up and accusing me  
GAMZEE: OF THESE MOTHERFUCKING LIES   
KARKAT: SIT YOUR ASS BACK DOWN BEFORE I PAP IT THERE, DO YOU HEAR ME???   
GAMZEE: nO SwEaT, bRo.  
GAMZEE: JuSt dOiNg wHaT ThE CaRdS Up aNd tOlD Me tO Do.   
KANAYA: It Appears We Have Our Knight Of Death   
NEPETA: :33 < tavros was lying! i guess jade and eridan really were seers!   
TEREZI: LYNCH C4LL SOLLUX!   
JADE: seconded!   
JOHN: do you have a defence speech?   
SOLLUX: no, fuck thii2 2hiit.  
SOLLUX: all haiil biiliiou2 2liick.

Sollux: Join the dead.  
KARKAT: OKAY. THAT’S THE THIRD BODY TONIGHT. IS THAT ENOUGH FOR YOU PEOPLE???


End file.
